Love and lust are opposites. They are in direct conflict with each other. The question to be asked is whether our sexual relationships are an expression of love or lust: “I want to honour and value you, giving myself to you,” or “I want to use you as a tool to satisfy my urge for an orgasm, using you and taking from you.” If God really has designed sex as an expression of love, to use it for lust is an extremely destructive lie.

Love with commitment is clearly very expensive and hard work. It requires honour, respect, forgiveness and sacrifice. However it’s the road out of the loneliness, suspicion and despair that plagues our culture. If we substitute lust for love we end up with a meaningless sensation which eventually loses its novelty and can never satisfy beyond the physical.

Lust is powerful and seductive, but it’s inherently selfish and opposed to love. As we foster and feed lust in our lives we’re dragged inexorably towards isolation, loneliness, insecurity and emptiness. What do we have left when orgasm becomes boring and unsatisfying, left alone to face the pain of guilt and loneliness?

Marriage is a profound mystery, the joining of two people to become one. It doesn’t guarantee or enforce love, but if taken seriously as an unconditional lifelong commitment of faithfulness and fidelity, it certainly helps to distinguish between love and lust. Just as litmus paper tests for the presence of acid, marriage tests for the presence of commitment. How do we know if we truly love someone enough to have sex with them? Marriage asks are we willing to commit ourselves to them for life?

Marriage is also a safety net. We’re all fragile and fallible. How can we be confident and secure in the love of our partner in light of our shortcomings and failings? The answer again is commitment. If commitment is absent, then love isn’t genuine and sex is reduced to a physical orgasm which technically you don’t need two people for.